Very down today,,. I have suffered with severe depression in the past & it sometimes raises it's ugly head. Today that happened.
A brief run down of the issues playing with me today:
Self confidence issues
Am I a good parent?
Is my child under developing - he doesn't speak any words, although only 19 months!
Size issues due to weighing in v badly!!
Illness - cold/sore throat, nothing exciting
Boredom
Self doubt
Unsexy
Not reall ysure I want to go into these issues jsut yet on here, but I am sure I will open up soon.....
Wednesday, 19 October 2011
Tuesday, 18 October 2011
Healthy baking
I've decided to keep on cooking & not limiting to purely only low fat / low cal food.... Just good home cooked stuff that errs on healthy. So, with this in mind, I have made up a batch of gorgeous granola for my brekkie and have attempted a low fat chocolate cake from Dan Lepard's new cook book. I shall let you know tomorrow how they both go down (and whether I am able to not devour the cake in one go!!!!)
x
x
Healthy mummy
It's bloody hard being healthy whilst looking after a bubba.... Well, I am finding it so. I find myself eating for all the normal emotional reasons, but all the emotions come up in the same day with frightening recurrence!!! There's stress, frustration, boredom and then there's the happy bits when you share a lovely moment with them with a biscuit..... Too many issues in one small day to tempt me!!!
I realise this is pretty much just me. There are millions of mums out there who are keeping themselves in fabulous shape perfectly well whilst looking after their families. I, on the other hand, found it hard to look after myself before my son came along, let alone now.
I feel I am merely being rather useless and finding poor excuses. To me, the stressful days feels very real, but as I type, it seems just poor.
As I've stated before - it's a simple thing.... eat healthily and exercise. A simple equation! Just poorly executed.
I realise this is pretty much just me. There are millions of mums out there who are keeping themselves in fabulous shape perfectly well whilst looking after their families. I, on the other hand, found it hard to look after myself before my son came along, let alone now.
I feel I am merely being rather useless and finding poor excuses. To me, the stressful days feels very real, but as I type, it seems just poor.
As I've stated before - it's a simple thing.... eat healthily and exercise. A simple equation! Just poorly executed.
Saturday, 17 September 2011
Never A Good Time
As the saying goes (and my husband regularly reminds me): 'There's never a good time to start' and also, 'There'll never be the perfect time'. Today was most definitely not a good day to start and I didn't..... I had intentions, but the day went a little awry and so, as usual, I turned to my good friend food.
It's the usual excuses - tiredness / energy slumps / need a pick me up / stress dealing with 18 month old. But those I can usually handle, but then my hubby managed to cut himself whilst working and needed to go to A&E. At this worry, I turned..... Not jsut with worry, but also I then couldn't focus on sorting out a healthy lunch with the small choices we had at home with a small time window and having to sort out our son, etc... I could have sorted something, but just easier not to.
Then, to finish the bad start day, we went to a friend's BBQ for dinner.... Not a good start to New Me....
But still - onwards to tomrrow with yet another fresh start! I can see why my hubby is rather exasperated with me.....
It's the usual excuses - tiredness / energy slumps / need a pick me up / stress dealing with 18 month old. But those I can usually handle, but then my hubby managed to cut himself whilst working and needed to go to A&E. At this worry, I turned..... Not jsut with worry, but also I then couldn't focus on sorting out a healthy lunch with the small choices we had at home with a small time window and having to sort out our son, etc... I could have sorted something, but just easier not to.
Then, to finish the bad start day, we went to a friend's BBQ for dinner.... Not a good start to New Me....
But still - onwards to tomrrow with yet another fresh start! I can see why my hubby is rather exasperated with me.....
Friday, 16 September 2011
Say goodbye to the old me....
It's time to say goodbye to the old me (as my husband would say - 'once again'!). ..
I need to improve my life - my health to be more specific. I am 16 stone and really need to deal with it. I don't feel it's an issue personally, but then there are big issues at every turn which upsets me about being big - clothes / chairs / sports / intimacy / mirrors.... The latter of these is the most evil to me. I find I don't feel big unless I see myself, then it all hits home and the realisation sets in once again and the shock of what I actually look like hurts.
There have been many new starts, each accompanied by their many new start failures. I have found it harder to keep track of diet since my son was born 18 months ago, but to be honest, it's always been a stuggle. I was just more active when younger, that's all. I then took up smoking & drinking, then uni, then severe depression & breakdown.... Things in life took it's toll & here I am.
I've tried a number of diets - Weight Watchers did nothing for me. Slimming World worked very well once, but not in the following multitude of times I attempted since then. Basically, I dont' deal with 'dieting' at all. i cannot be told not to do something. I need to do it myself on my own terms - ups & downs, etc....
And so, this blog is going to be my way of recording, venting and regulating myself. As it's completely annonymous, I can be completely truthful, yet know (or at least feel) that there is someone out there listening and maybe wishing me well on my journey. Maybe there are simliar people out there with such struggles with weight.
There are other parts of my life which definitely need improvements and these will quite probbaly come up along the way, but we'll start with this....
Wish me well people - I shall log in with how day one goes tomorrow. xxx
I need to improve my life - my health to be more specific. I am 16 stone and really need to deal with it. I don't feel it's an issue personally, but then there are big issues at every turn which upsets me about being big - clothes / chairs / sports / intimacy / mirrors.... The latter of these is the most evil to me. I find I don't feel big unless I see myself, then it all hits home and the realisation sets in once again and the shock of what I actually look like hurts.
There have been many new starts, each accompanied by their many new start failures. I have found it harder to keep track of diet since my son was born 18 months ago, but to be honest, it's always been a stuggle. I was just more active when younger, that's all. I then took up smoking & drinking, then uni, then severe depression & breakdown.... Things in life took it's toll & here I am.
I've tried a number of diets - Weight Watchers did nothing for me. Slimming World worked very well once, but not in the following multitude of times I attempted since then. Basically, I dont' deal with 'dieting' at all. i cannot be told not to do something. I need to do it myself on my own terms - ups & downs, etc....
And so, this blog is going to be my way of recording, venting and regulating myself. As it's completely annonymous, I can be completely truthful, yet know (or at least feel) that there is someone out there listening and maybe wishing me well on my journey. Maybe there are simliar people out there with such struggles with weight.
There are other parts of my life which definitely need improvements and these will quite probbaly come up along the way, but we'll start with this....
Wish me well people - I shall log in with how day one goes tomorrow. xxx
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